Friday, January 18, 2002 | 10:46 p.m.
Meh, ignore the last entry, I should delete it. Anywho. Gonna watch Daria stuff than crash.

Friday, January 18, 2002 | 10:02 p.m.
"You washed away my insecurities.."
Lately it seems as though tiny insecurities have been tugging a little harder. I feel.. under attack, all the time. I know it's got to be something with me, and perhaps payback for taking other people for granted.. but I'm just confused, I suppose. I feel stupid, because I know that the answer to this isn't hard to figure out, but I seriously can't see the answer. It's driving me seriously nuts. I know I'm possessive, and I try to be motherly (and like my mother, I fail, and become controlling, but than, are all girls controlling deep down inside? Is this just me, or are other girls doing the same thing?) I'm just not sure anymore. My Chemistry teacher called me moody today. No one argued otherwise. Everyone is moody, why is it than that it bothered me so much? Because I tried to not be moody, I wasn't moody, it's like people see me as moody. My Chem teacher was pushing me, as he pushes everyone, and I was trying to be paitent but he kept putting words in my mouth. I'd say "Yes, I heard what you said but.." "But you just didn't think I was important, huh?" "No! What I meant was.." "This is just an example of not following directions, you know." "I was trying to tell you that-" "What? That you're going to do what you want to no matter what I say?" I mean, I've been nothing but good to that man, and all of the sudden he just BAM goes off. (Yes, there's the whole story, for those of you who didn't hear it. -.-) I feel so angry. I know I'm whiney. So?! Everyone else is just as whiney. Why do I seem to surround myself with people who constantly enjoy the fact that I try to be a good person to them. I try to be nice. I know sometimes I have a bad day and say / do things that are pretty cruel. I don't mean to. Life is just a messy room right now, and I can't keep it clean. I feel useless. Maybe I am useless. The happiness I bring to everyone seems less than temporary, because I can only offer that glimmer of happiness that seems to just be ignored for desires that I cannot compete with or take part of. I'm like a back-burner friend, I feel. I'm too melodramatic. Wait, I AM MOODY. Well, see, enough brooding does lead to truths. Now all I have to do is get over it before someone notices and starts trouble.

I need a comfy place to lay, recover from personal demons not yet defeated, but fought none the less, a soft place where I can frak up if I want and there'll only be quiet words of support & love. I realize that every bad thing I dislike in any other person I can find in myself. I realize that I've caused hurt in others. I realize everything you think I don't realize, other than the thoughts not shared with me.

And Kung-Pow (Enter the Fist) looks to be the fucking stupidest ass movie ever. End rant, end mood.

Later.

Thursday, January 10, 2002 | 09:20 p.m.
Home, home on the range.. yea.

Downloading the latest version of AIM since I'm happily repairing from the reformat. I love a good clean computer. Working on a new layout for Maryam's webpage, trying to get some Outlaw Star working in there, but it's a bi-atch.

Perhaps I'll get a blank CD and run over to Dan's and burn fonts and some songs on to one. Definately fonts because right noe I have NONE.

Anywho, time to upgrade! Bai!

Thursday, January 10, 2002 | 03:41 p.m.
My modem works again, and my computer (after being wiped for the hundreth time) thanks to Dan. I still don't understand exactly why a 65kb gif loads so damn slow sometimes. Well, I'm @ Dan's house, taking up his computer, so I'll just scoot off before he gets super annoyed with me for taking up so much of his time.

Wednesday, January 9, 2002 | 08:56 a.m.
My modem is broke. Yay.

Monday, December 31, 2001 | 11:40 p.m.
Aieee! 20 minutes till 2002! I'm actually looking forward to a new year. I mean, aside from being vaccumned my room is clean, Dan and I had fun, even though he wanted to ring in the new year in a way that's harder to celebrate it with him. Oh well, if it makes him happy, I figure I'll just get online and hang with all these neato online peoples! Yay!

Song of the Year: Incubus - Drive
Movie of the Year: Princess Mononoke
Game of the Year: Final Fantasy X
Food of the Year: Taquitos & Jelly Bellys
That's it, really! What else is goin' on? I think I might start my own damn game of FFX. That's about it.

Happy New Year, all!

Monday, December 31, 2001 | 12:09 p.m.
Let's see.. archived this page, because it was getting so darned long.

Final Fantasy X is a great game! I love Lulu's dress, it's all belty.. and cool. She's wierd though. I love how in FFX towards the middley the facial expressions and animation in general gets so good!

Well, Dan finally got out of the shower, so it's off to my house we go! His dog is sick because it ate chocolate. Hope it ends up okay.